music & lyrics by Donya Lane & Ed McNamee   © 2014 American Royal Tunes, ASCAP
​He's a multi-function display
that's all-weather, all-terrain.
Inside every hat his left, right, and center brain!
There isn't a room where he doesn't belong.
His name is Tom, and welcome to his song!

chorus

Take it, Tom Diddy.  
That’s Tom Five-Fiddy.

Got a question? Just ask it.
He's got more compartments 
than a picnic basket.

Got a play? He’ll back it.
But lend him your clothes,
he’ll alter your jacket.

Tom Number One was a basement dweller.
Where’s he goin’ now?
He gonna clean the cellar! 

(Tom!) Six-Fifteen needs an hour to preen.
Sixty-Eight knows the interest rate 
while Twenty-Four is sweepin’ the floor!
And there’s more.
  
(Tom!) Four Sixty-One can fire a gun.
One Twenty-Six got his own set of tricks.
And Twenty-Three can pair wine with brie,
so you see?  

TOM! (International Man of Mystery)
He's the universal remote, the power adaptor kit.
He's only one size but he always fits!
He can swap out blades like an army knife!
His name is Tom, and welcome to his life. 

Tom! International Man of Mystery.
Also goes by the name of Christophocles!
His numbering system is Greek to me.
Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!
The most flexible man in history!
If Tom says so, all the Toms agree!  
How does he make life look like a breeze?  Tom!  
(Tom!) Sixty-Nine’s got his own jet
and roots for the Mets. (Mookie!)

They all roll with the times
when the times roll on.
He’ll cook you spaghetti
with a blind fold on!

He slices, dices,
he don’t need to ask the prices.
What’s a façade? It’s like a mask.
He’s always awake,
and he’s always on task.
Stick and move, baby, stick and move!

(Tom!) Ninety-One and Thirty-Three
may wait for me,
but even-numbered Toms? -
they’re gone in a flash.
Even the ones who wore a mustache!

Yet he’s always the same.
He’s never been phatter.
You’ll find every Tom inside that Mad Hatter.

chorus  

He’s got a tacit understanding
of everything he hears.
He uses stuff that he just learned
like he’s known it all for years!

Tom!